Mazeed Mukhtar Oyeleye writes,

I remember some quote (not verbatim) I once stumbled upon, “Never go up against intelligent people because it is unhealthy for your ego. Your back will touch down before your words do.” I wish the Caretaker Committee were foresighted enough to heed such warning by taking the pieces of advice Pen Press offered to them in its editorial that rented the air over the weekend. Unfortunately, the CTC decided to display their dirty linens in public, and no one will teach them how to wash them. 

Once a preschooler masters the 26 English alphabets, the next thing he learns is to write his name. Unfortunately, the same does not apply to the committee (perceived to be academically sound) representing students of the most peaceful university in Nigeria. It is no news that the Students’ Union Caretaker Committee of UDUS has addressed itself, time and again, as the ‘Students Union Caretaker Committee’. Fun fact! If your name does not read ‘Student Union’ or ‘Students’ Union’, it is definitely incorrect! Imagine a group of ‘agnorant’ quacks that engages in self-misnomer, trading words with the media. Scratch that! There is no need to imagine what exists real before you.

In a thread-bare press release from the stable of the Students’ Union, dated 22nd November and signed by a Special Adviser on Media and publicity, Mansur Bashir, the Caretaker committee issued a rejoinder to an editorial Pen Press published on 20th November. Undoubtedly, the reply jarred Pandora’s box of red flags further open, reaffirming the gross incompetence of the committee’s media and publicity team that is supposed to be their mouthpiece, their link to the public.

The National Association of Campus Journalists (NACJ), UDUS, has a case to answer here because of its forbearance and consequent reconstruction of the CTC’s diarrhoeal, jumbled and befuddling press releases into intelligible reports since its assumption of power has been indulging, at the very least. This singular act of concern the NACJ has been embarking on to preserve the university’s integrity, which the CTC puts at stake, contributed to the committee’s unapologetic attempts to drag the university’s golden academic standards through rubble with every piece of written information it releases to the public.

The latest circular of the Students’ Union Caretaker Committee is a roaring circus starring conjoined and misplaced words, anaemic concord, epileptic punctuations, leukaemic capitalisations, convulsive emphasis, and jaundiced opinions. It pointed out surreal flaws in a work premised on unequivocal facts. However, eschewing the similitude of the press release to the crash site of a cargo plane, this piece seeks to address the inconsistencies in the arguments the CTC put forward and clarify the deliberate misconceptions contained in the clownish attempt at a response to criticism.

As much as a petty committee can not ’employ’ any clubs or associations but rather implore them, the CTC made repeated reference to a revised students’ handbook it failed to produce to corroborate its assertions prequel to the editorial published by Pen Press. To whom it may concern, know that the provisions of the Students’ union can never ‘contradicts’ provisions of any other constitution. Mayhap they can contradict.

If “Such recommendations shall be forwarded to the students’ affairs division through the office of the vice president for approval,” quoted from the acclaimed ‘revised edition of the students’ handbook holds any water: The CTC tweaked the obvious directive of paragraph 3 of Article XVI, as quoted above, to suit its crass argument, practically replacing “forwarded to the students’ affairs division through” with ‘made to’, disregarding the essence of association registering with the Student Affairs Division.

In the same vein, the CTC quoted paragraph 4 of the same article. It read, “Within five(5) weeks of the beginning of a new Academic session, all clubs shall apply for renewal of their registration. New clubs shall also apply for registration,” The paragraph broaches a step Pen Press has taken, contrary to the purported claims by a pen-wielding political thug whose byline reads, ‘Aliyu Asgar’.

The committee went further to discredit paragraph 4 of the Pen Press publication. It backed its actions, claiming that “there is no provision in the students’ handbook that states that Secretariat should be used by any association or club for their meetings or whatsoever.” Reality Check! Is there any provision in the same handbook that empowers any power-drunk Students’ Union leadership to grant and deny any student association from using the same secretariat?

Funnily, the circular concluded in a misinforming style, bearing striking semblance to how it started, making a deliberate attempt to incite the university management against the press. Has the committee, in its power-drunk state, lost so much touch with reality that it expects the Management to come to its rescue by making wild deductions involving the University leadership?

Furthermore, much more is expected of trainee lawyers like the CTC chairman, M. S. Umar, and his Special Adviser on Media and Publicity, Mansur Bashir, (a perfect replica of the blunder-man, I. B. Khalifa), who the public deem to be well-learned in comprehending, writing and speaking English language. For the record, Pen Press did not encourage any students’ associations to refuse the renewal of its registration as evident in its decision to give an exclusive interview to the CTC Vice-Chairman, Fatima Abdul-Aziz, published to unriddle the registration and renewal process for the benefit of willing associations, only a few hours before the editorial.

The advice Pen Press offered to the Caretaker Committee passed like water off a duck’s back. Nonetheless, here is another piece of advice for it: You have made so much travesty of written communication in the name of circulars and (or) press releases that the universe decided to bless you with the courage to bark at the wrong crowd. Regardless of the cause of your publications, please subject your writings to multi-level scrutiny to avoid constipating the university community with your habitual junkyard scrap. Do whatever it takes to keep away from the thick line distinguishing between petty blunders and brazen balderdash.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *